So I hope you see that I -- would love to love you: A PreReview

I have a confession to make.

I want to see "Across the Universe."

Possibly on mute. Almost definitely with liquor.

I've been under Julie Taymor's thumb since I saw "The Lion King" on Broadway and by the time I saw "Frida" I was hooked. While in college, I finally got around to seeing "Titus" and all in all, her work combined with Baz Lurhmann is what I occasionally want movies to be, what I think they are all about: the spectacle. And they realize that for our modern appetites they have to up the ante. And they do so without bringing out the gore, or freaking us out, or hell, I don't know. But they dazzle us. And I can't come up with a better word to describe my reactions to them than that one.

I remember hearing about the movie and feeling more than a little miffed. The first shot of Jim Sturgess imploring "Is there anybody going to listen to my story, all about the girl who came to stay?" kind of reminded me a bit much of John Leguizamo telling me "There was a boy..." and in fact merited the same response from two of my friends.

I liked the first one, when they called it "Moulin Rouge."

I agreed and decided to do all I could to hate this movie.

Then it got to that wonderful buildup so many of us have engrained in our heads that makes us scream "Day in the Life!" And I caught a glimpse of Eddie Izzard, and the Salma Hayek (sorry "Bang Bang Shoot Shoot") nurses, and by the time Sturgess affirmed that Nothing was going to change his world, I had mumbled that I should probably go back to film school. I have since mumbled this about anytime I see anything involving this movie.

And, after clicking on imdb, I see someone in the "comments" has also spouted my theory: "Let's say Hair and Moulin Rouge had a baby". (Sadly, by the time I was editing this to link, the comment was deleted.)

I haven't read any more of it, but you can feel free to look. And the more I think about it, the more I wonder if such a union would lead to disaster. Being a huge fan of both (provided we are discussing the musical and not the abomination of an adaptation claimed by Milos Forman), and being a child (like, I'm sure, anyone else of my generation) raised on the Beatles; singing along before I knew what I was singing about, of course I want this to be good.

But given all of these influences and understandings, please stop calling the movie "Original." Only a handful of lines are not Beatles lyrics. The Popsical genre has been in use since "Mama Mia," and fitting existing songs to a film is much older than that (see: "Singin in the Rain"). And finally, loathe as I am to admit it, the story feels tired. The story (as far as I can understand from what little people have said and can be gleaned from the trailer) it's extremely similar to "Hair," or, so many other films/made for teevee movies regarding this time period.

All these bad vibes I carry around about this film? They dissolve about everytime I see a new clip, and I've been watching every single one I can find. I admit: the "I Want You" sequence, well, I don't know how I feel about it. The crashing waves with "Helter Skelter"? Maybe it'll hit me another way on the big screen. And "I am the Walrus" underwhelms.

But my God. Listening to what they do slowing down "I Wanna Hold Your Hand," or even the singularity of "If I Fell" (God! I hope they put in that harmony, and even without it still hits), and the strange angry laid-backness of "Revolution," it's enough to make me wish I could grab the soundtrack a little earlier.*

For everything I hope and fear about this movie. I want to see something new. I want the spectacle. I want to be dazzled again by Ms. Taymor's work. And based on what I've seen, I feel confident in that respect, I'll get just what I asked for.

NOTE: I am not linking to the videos as they seem so abundant, but I recommend consulting youtube or the website.

*I also cannot express my relief, or thrill at the scratchyness of Joe Anderson's voice in "Hey Jude."

And finally, when I post again, it will more than likely be to review this film. I have, since my last post, seen "Superbad," but it seems so late now and that every rave review of it has said what I would, I'm going to lay low for a bit. I'll catch you after I am either rocked to my core, or devastated beyond repair.

Catching You Up, 7/7: Tom Jones

The last of these, and one of my favorite films.

Tom Jones.
Okay, I know this movie came out in 1963, but it won Best Picture. It's a wonderful film. And I got to see it at the Lincoln Center last month. Also, I have seen Tom Jones before (three times), but I must recommend it most heartily.

I have read the book, and been taught to love the book, and its main character, which is really not that difficult if he looks like Albert Finney. I've picked up the book since watching it, and I can't understand how I ever thought Tom could have been anyone else. It's a perfectly cast film.

Much is taken out for the purposes of making the movie a reasonable length. The first 200 pages are summed up in a short silent section preceding the film's title credits. Characters are cut out (although it was not until my fourth viewing that I mused, "I miss Nightengale"), but the characters that remain are rendered even truer than the reader could have hoped. The dining scene between Tom and Mrs. Waters is the stuff of cinema legend, the hunt is a wonderful sequence to stand on its own, Sophia is even more beautiful than you hoped, and you know Mr. Fielding would have approved of characters breaking the fourth wall whenever they could.

But none of this compares to Squire Western. He amused me in the book, but my inner feminist was really ticked at the way he treated his daughter. But when he's right in front of you, completely drunk and doing the most ludicrous things, you find yourself laughing. And here are the reasons to love him:

• He sleeps on his dogs.
• He throws his beer at his dogs.
• He shoves one of his dogs off the table to get to his food.
• He falls on a woman and begins to hump her.
• He saves his daughter from rape by throwing her over his shoulder and slapping her ass.
• Did we mention the sleeping on his dogs?
• He fights for Tom, even when Tom should be beaten.
• He does all of these things three sheets to the wind.

Tom is amazing, but he's not getting a bulleted list. Because reading the book you come to love him. I've had a professor dub him "The Greatest Thigh Spreader in History," and I concur. Tom Jones is so awesome, he's got a facebook profile. You should friend him.

I really do recommend this movie, whether you want to be a film buff, a filmmaker, or you need to waste time and you can't get out to the movies. And if you dig it, get the book. It's a bit of work, (982 pages with strange Capitalization and Seemingly Random Italics) but ultimately worth it.

The only thing missing is Peter O'Toole.
GRADE: A+

Catching You Up, 6/7: Stardust

Almost... there...

Stardust.
Another adaptation in which I am familiar with the source. I think I enjoyed the film more, and after seeing the trailer for Beowulf, I can understand why.

It differs from the book, but it's a good adaptation, and everything is in place that I was hoping for. It's a good popcorn movie. It's a great movie to see with your bff or significant other or whatever at 11 AM on a Sunday, which is exactly how I experienced it. I did have this question:

Not enough Pete.

That out of the way, oh my God, DeNiro made me giggle. My avoidance of all reviews of the film (not out of choice, just because I've hardly had a chance to look around in a week or two) made me completely surprised at his appearance. (Not that he was in the film, I've seen the FLYING PIRATES ads all over, just his character.) I'll keep my mouth shut so you can be afforded the same pleasant surprise.

Michelle Pfieffer showed up again. I really like to think that the running gag of her looks is some sort of self-depricating jab at all the work she's gotten done but I know that's totally wrong. So instead, nice to see you again, Michelle!

It's good, it's light, it's fluffy. WARNING TO GAIMAN FANS: Very different ending. I mean, ultimately the same, but they get there a little differently, and I kind of like it. It lacked the weird unsettling deus-ex-machina vibe I found in the book.

Also, if you're wondering why the narrator sounds so soothing, it's because it's none other than Gand-- Magne-- Ian McKellen.
GRADE: B-

Catching You Up, 4/7 & 5/7: The Simpsons Movie, The Ten

Very short reviews, so we'll put them together. Two after this one, ladies & gents!

The Simpsons Movie.
I read more reviews for this movie than I think I should have. I agree with many of them so completely (and have lost the articles so long ago) that I almost fear whatever I say will be plagiarism.

However, like about everyone else of my generation, I dedicated my Thursdays, then my Sundays at 8 to the television show, until I got to college and Sundays were then spent cramming, reading, or calling fellow ARTH nerds to see what they new about the moral significance of Gothic Tympana.

So I'll do my best to keep this short and sweet so I do little stealing and spoiling (I know very few people who have managed to see it, sadly). Here we go:

• Spider Pig. It will eat your brain. You'll sing it for a week. You've been warned.
• If you liked that episode with the Guatemalan Hallucination Peppers, you'll be happy for at least five minutes.
• They go to a freak state.
• Really great guest spots.
• You don't need to stay thru the credits.

Finally, there have been some people who didn't like it because the beauty of Homer is that he never learns his lesson, and in this, he does. Please relax, you know he's gonna go to Moe's and forget it in like, ten minutes after the film's story ends.
GRADE: A-

The Ten.
Another tough one to review. I know people who worked on this film, and I don't want to be biased. This one will also be as short as possible.

It's a limited release, so if it's not near you, please rent the DVD. If it is, spring for it, go.

If you haven't heard about it, here it is, real quick:

1. 10 Commandments, 10 Stories.
2. Written by Ken Marino & David Wain, this can only mean good things.
3. Ensemble cast: you'll be amazed at who you see.
4. Liev shines in his role and has (I believe) the greatest moment in the film (in the trailer, you'll know it when you see it).
5. Great cameos from other members of The State.
6. Perfectly trippy animation sequence for Commandment 8.
7. Winona Ryder starring in "Thou Shalt Not Steal."
8. Did you hear about her and the puppet?
9. You really do learn the commandments.
10. If you enjoyed Wet Hot American Summer, you'll totally dig The Ten.
GRADE: B

Catching You Up, 3/7: Hairspray

3/7 of the great posting update. Trust me this should not happen again.

Hairspray.
With the exception of the last film (7/7) in this bulk review, this is the only movie I've seen twice. And as such, if you are familiar with the musical or just the soundtrack, I recommend hitting the singalong and a nice light chardonnay.

I was not familiar with either the musical or the 1988 John Waters film. I was familiar with the basic story, and John Waters, so I kind of could brace myself for what was coming, and thought I'd walk out amused and go on with my day. By the end of the week I had the soundtrack and (I'm sad to say) going through a bit of a backlash right now because those songs are so damn catchy. As a result, not gonna talk about those too much.

While making my notes, I was surprised how much I was just writing down the names of people in the film. For example, I hope we see Nikki Blonsky some more... but not as a "Tracy type" or onstage. I'm intrigued.

Coming out on top of this whole thing, however, is the ultimate power couple: Walken/Travolta. I've become a little irked. I feel like Christopher Walken is appearing in films where he's the joke: like a gag: "Hey look, we got Christopher Walken for this! Isn't that a riot?" I honestly haven't seen him really act since Catch Me If You Can, and was relieved to see him here, having a hell of a time. I'm always happy to see actors really enjoying themselves onscreen, and he does a great job.

I have a confession: I love John Travolta. I know he's a crazy scientologist and all the rumours, I could care less. I've never heard a story about him being a total prick (I'm sure those exist, too) and if you didn't hear the "Come to Mama!" story, you can probably figure it out from that, and my God does he do a great job. If they're hard up for Supporting Nominees this year (see: Jack Sparrow), I can see Travolta very much at home in that category.

Coming in a close second for "What the hell are you doing having such a great time?" would be James Marsden, who I was so happy to see not playing 'the jilted guy' (Cyclops, looking in your general direction). Sorry that it looks like you'll be doing more of the same in Enchanted, but I'll root for you against McDreamy with all my might.

Also, Michelle Pfieffer? Great to see you back. Haven't see you since Muppets Tonight in, what? 199...6? You got some work done. Wow.

In short, good time, and you'll spend a lot of time going "Hey look it's--"
GRADE: B+

Catching You Up, 2/7: Harry Potter & The Order of the Phoenix

2/7 in a massive Catch-Up post that must be broken down in Seven like Voldemort's Soul.

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.
Before I say anything more about this interview, I would like to confess, yes, I am a Potter fan. A bit of a Joanna-Come-Lately, (I've only seen the three most recent films in theatres, and didn't begin reading them until shortly before Half-Blood Prince was released).

Also, I saw this film in IMAX 3-D and if you can do so as well, I highly recommend it.

I will do my best to keep it as spoiler-free as possible.

I was never a fan of Order. Goblet was one of my favorites (of the books), and despite my love for Mike Newell as well, I felt the entire thing was mishandled; especially after Cuaron's refreshing change in Prisoner after two Chris Columbus films that felt like xeroxes of the books.

As soon as the film started I was sucked in. The tone of the latter three books was caught perfectly from the beginning: a strange sense of absolute horror and and a weird bit of silliness. This is best executed in Harry's arrival at 12 Grimmauld Place, there's something very cloak-and-dagger going on, nothing looks quite right, but Gary Oldman seems pretty happy and as soon as the twins show up and start apparating, there's a (very very creepy!) sense of levity about the place.

And then I realized something wonderful; the reason why this film had such a better (pardon the hippie jargon, folks) vibe compared to the four films preceding it. It was not adapted by Steve Kloves, but by Michael Goldberg. In the other films, I would often picture Mr. Kloves skimming the tome in question, highlighting scenes that were MAJOR PLOT POINTS or THINGS PEOPLE WANT TO SEE and making a point to get those in for the fans. Mr. Goldberg, however, allowed us to take our time (I'm not saying things weren't cut out, I was a little miffed that the fireside chat with Sirius and Lupin RE: abusing Snape as teens was omitted) and feel like the characters were part of a story, that they were active participants and not being shoved into these things that had to happen. For those who disagree with me, have no fear, Mr. Kloves will return for the final two films.

I'm also sure many of you will argue that I'm placing too much weight on the role of the screenwriter. (I admit, I'm biased.) David Yates, the director, also brought much to this film. I'm sure it wasn't Goldberg's idea to make sure that any time Ginny and Harry were in a scene together she was standing directly behind him. His repetition of images (explosions!) was a pattern I came to really enjoy (and makes me want to see it again) and he brought out great scenes I could see being lost in less capable hands.

The "emotional range of a teaspoon" is completely superfluous, and not that long, but that time could have been saved for a longer Death Eater battle royale. But the way that Radcliffe, Emma Watson, and Rupert Grint play off each other in that scene feels so natural (yes, I know, five films together, got it) and simple. The DA montage is interesting, and unusual in that I found myself kicking my feet with delight and saying silly things under my breath; I cheered when Neville mastered "expelliarmus!" and found Ron's puppy patronus completely adorable. By the time the aforementioned smackdown was going on, I was amazed that I wholeheartedly was rooting for the good guys. It's always so tempting to want the bad guys to get just a little bit (anyone else remember Lucius' attempt to Avada Kedavra Harry outside Dumbledore's office in Chamber? Awesome!) but here I could care less about them.

Which brings us to the inevitable spoiler. I heard Brad Pitt say once (I believe on the "Fight Club" commentary), "No one dies like Gary Oldman." As for his death itself, I was a little underwhelmed. But his last words made everything so worth it.

I feel like I'm leaving out a ton, but I still have five movies to review.
GRADE: A+

Catching You Up, 1/7: Ratatouille.

Greetings, faithful reader I begged to remember my blog! I trust you are well, so am I. Since my last review I've hunted and successfully landed a new job, and landed myself in a new city. I did manage to catch a few movies along the way (try six) and I'm here to fill you in on them, should you manage to snatch them up before it's too late! Also I beg your forgiveness as it has been some time since I have seen some of these and notes were mislaid.

That said, please expect this page to be updated by 12:00:07 AM on Tuesdays.

That said, let us move on to our reviews.

Ratatouille.
Overall, a decent movie. I'm always interested with what Pixar serves up, and with the exception of Finding Nemo (hate me all you want, but it really was just a movie about fish, which, sad to say, will never fascinate me, no matter how much you say "he will be my squishy"), I have always been fascinated. I have become somewhat distressed by the recent hype with Pixar, DreamWorks, and other similar animation studios hyping how "lifelike" their animation can be. And, when your film deals with rats (rats running a restaurant, no less), lifelike may not be what you want to really want to go for. And damn, were those rats lifelike. The few scenes where they move about en masse made me squirm, especially because these were moments involving lots and lots of food. In spite of all of this "lifelike" hype and reviews I read condemning the plot, there was one thing that could not keep me away from this film:

Peter O'Toole.

Peter O'Toole is like salt to meat, a killer bass line to a rock song, terza rima to an epic poem; he brings out the best in everything. And even though he only lent his voice to this, it made it that richer. In the words of my high school Spanish teacher, "he made it suena." I took great relish anytime his character, Anton Ego, graced the screen, and squealed with delight at his coffin-shaped room and his exceedingly grim appearing typewriter.

As for the story, it being Pixar, Pixar being Disney, it had its morals of being yourself, being all you can be, grrl power (I was really happy to see that's normal for Disney now, but that's a rant for another day), honoring your past while striving towards your future, and all such things. However, I feel like the film was suffering from what I've come to refer to as Corpse Bride Syndrome (or CBS): It was so caught up in its technology (stop motion, ratty looking rats) and its message (love the one you love, not the one you're with; and the aforementioned themes) that plot seemed a little thin, especially compared with Brad Bird's last work with Pixar; The Incredibles: by comparison I found the characters more believable (fuller, perhaps) and while still pretty heavy on the lesson to be learned, I had more fun getting there than I did here.

But, all that said, I found the film (much like the dishes served) eminently satisfying and great with a light sauvingnon blanc.
GRADE: B

Hoist the Colours: or, Finally, a Positive Review of Pirates.

When I began this review, my friend IMs me, "At last the pirate novelty is gone!"

I've just returned from seeing "Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End." I vowed to try to update this as new films came out, seeing them their opening weekend. A senior spring sort of detained me from this task, and this was the first film to inspire me to actually say something. I remember how I saw the first two movies: I caught "The Curse of the Black Pearl" down the shore with three new friends, going out of our way to see it, all of us calling people who couldn't make the trip with us, telling them to go. I saw it at least three more times before I began college. My first two weeks on campus, everyday I overheard the words "Johnny Depp" in someone else's conversation.

Last summer I caught "Dead Man's Chest" in a packed theatre in a city with a friend from work, then went back to my campus to see it with my friend (the same who still, as I type this, can't believe I enjoyed this film). It took me until its DVD release this past December, and the perspective lent to me by my brother, to be able to remotely enjoy the film.

However, I absolutely loved "At World's End." I can't even say how much. From the beginning I was riveted and could not believe that it was a Disney film. (If you make through the first two minutes, I believe you will understand. Also: Never underestimate the creep factor of large groups of people singing angrily. Eeep. And Another Note: Those of you hoping this film's song would be "Hoist That Rag"? No -- but you're close.)

I will do my best to keep this review spoiler free.

Thank GOD Elizabeth Swann is doing something with herself outside of making bad jokes about women's undergarments (or participating in jokes about her lack thereof, hem hem). I was equally shocked to find Keira Knightley in the two scenes that brought me closest to tearing up. I retract in this public domain anything slanderous I said about her talent privately.

Also, hurrah for Keith Richards! His role as Captain Teague definitely won my heart, even if my mother and I were the only people in the small crowd to recognize him. (To be fair, up until he had appeared onscreen, I'd forgotten that he was even involved.)

Again, I cannot emphasize, THIS IS NOT A KIDS' MOVIE. In the first two minutes, you'll sit there screaming in your head "No they won't," and oh yes, they do. Also, more dirty jokes. Not only are they more frequent, but they're dirtier. It's darker than the other two. It's waaay weirder than the other two.

Davey Jones Locker is like the Black Lodge in the Series Finale of "Twin Peaks" (you really didn't think I'd get through this review without a reference, did you?), only... um, nautical...ish.
I will give you one hint: doppelganger! And, as always, Johnny Depp's performance as Cap'n Jack Sparrow won its way into my heart within the first thirty seconds he was onscreen.

Great performances from Bill Nighy (to be expected), Jack Davenport (but I love him already), Jonathan Pryce (Governor Swann, Jack Flash, et cet), and, of course, Jack the Monkey. The scene between Elizabeth and her dad is the sort of writing I've tried to get for the past semester. Now I have a new film to study. Also, Norrington rules.

Those of you who need the plot, I'll give what I can without giving away. When we last saw these characters (those who suffered through "Dead Man's Chest"), Jack was eaten by the Kraken, Will thought Liz had the hots for Jack but didn't know she killed him, and Barbossa came back from the dead. The crew agrees that they will try to save Jack. There, caught up for the really depressing singalong that kicks off "At World's End." The East India Trading Company is coming into power and making it impossible for pirates to exist in this world. The meeting of the Pirate Lords (aka The Brethren) is called to order, and so our usual crew come together to save Jack and bring him to Shipwreck Cove (on Shipwreck Island, also home to the town of Shipwreck) to convene with the other Pirate Lords (who, by the way, just from looking at them, rule). But of course along the way characters meet up with Davey Jones and Lord Cutler Beckett, and a great deal of backstabbing takes place, secrets revealed, and relationships altered. (cue dramatic cliffhanger music)

But yes, go in open, just to see a movie. I kind of enjoyed the last film, so that sort of gave me a leg up on some of my friends who disagreed. Go in expecting it to be crap, and you'll pick it apart. Going in to see something that could maybe possibly rule, and you'll enjoy it a little more.

Sneaking in a bit of your own grog can't hurt either!

Initial Post.

Okay, so this is an attempt for me to discover if I have any sort of career in film reviews. I may as well get all of this out now while I can so years later people can look at what a strange little thing I was.

Regardless, this site (hopefully) will become home to my film reviews, and hopefully a place people can regard as some sort of place they can see how I feel while I vent my spleen on that which I find nearly offensive (like Tarantino's half of Grindhouse) or something everyone needs to note and bear witness (like Brick). Goodie.

So I'll start this off with not so much a review but a renewal of my anticipation for The Dark Knight. After Nolan's stab at renewing the Batman movie franchise, I've been curling into the fetal position and kicking my heels with childish delight to see how he's going to make the Joker any better than Nicholson's performance in Burton's initial go.

I admit when I first heard that Heath Ledger was taking the role, I was more than a little miffed. I was enraged, I railed against it for months until a friend showed me this site. Wow. He actually looks like an evil clown that enjoys the torture and murder of innocent people, way to go.

Then last night, I found this lovely image. (Thanks, Ted!) It's a still from The Man Who Laughs. Those of you less familiar with Victor Hugo/Films from 1928, here's a brief synopsis:

Gwynplaine, son of Lord Clancharlie, has a permanent smile carved on his face by the King, in revenge for Gwynplaine's father's treachery. Gwynplaine is adopted by a travelling showman and becomes a popular idol. He falls in love with the blind Dea. The king dies, and his evil jester tries to destroy or corrupt Gwynplaine. Unlike in the original story by Victor Hugo, the lovers escape to France.
Taken from the venerable imdb

The imdb's trivia page for this film also credits that Gwynplaine was the inspiration for the Joker within the comics. Which really, really, freaks me out.

Mr. Nolan, thank you for doing your homework. There are no words for how much I'm looking forward to this.